I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
