im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
