I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
PANTIES FOUND
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