should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
