chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
