this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
