i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
