Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
