im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
