he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
