So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
