I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
