Betty ford says i'm here all night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
