now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
