i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
