Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
