I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
