I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
