i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
