why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
