Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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