D3 body, D1 cock
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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