McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
