3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
