He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
