im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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