Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
