The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
