It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
