the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
