I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
