i love accidental penises.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so much tequila, so little girl.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
