Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
