A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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