It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
