Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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