you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
