HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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