just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
