Sry I called you an 8
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
