yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Randomize
