Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
