Apparently you make a good broom.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
