Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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