Me. At least after what I've been through.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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