um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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