your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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