We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
