It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize