Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
