New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
