Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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