I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
