A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize