so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
