I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
