Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
