i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Terrible idea I love it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
