Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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