i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
