I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My penis needs a shock collar
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
