Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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