you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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