Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My penis needs a shock collar
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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