Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
