bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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